Forgive Me For I Have Sinned
by ThatOneGoodWriter
Summary: Clarissa Adele, a soon to be queen, must take the throne of a kingdom who hates her very soul. There she meets a young man, a courageous one, who tries desperately to save his family. On the way, he must unravel the queen's past and perhaps begin something worth fighting for. Clace.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

 _I am Clarrisa Fairchild, daughter of the King, Valentine Morgenstern. You may be reading this worn out book by chance or perhaps it is placed somewhere for others to see or view. In this book, I've written events from my past to enlighten you on my mistakes and such._

 _You can even learn a lesson or two. I was never really a cheerful girl to say the least. Raised by a cruel father did not help much either. Yet, people change correct? That's what they say, don't they? I guess I did not believe that especially at my state of living those years._

 _To you reader, this is my life story. If you do not care, then simply shut it right now. In this book, you shall find events to be saddening and difficult to believe. I assure you, it's all true. They are merely too tragic to be heard or read. I will start from the beginning, young child. I have learned much at a young age and lost too much to mourn over at the moment._

 _Being a princess, soon to be queen, was not an easy path. And surely it was not meant for anybody. There were many things that seemed to bring me joy yet I hid them deep within myself, hiding it from all others._

 _I shall stop this rambling. You are certainly annoyed and quite anxious to read more. Hopefully, you will learn about my family, my friends, and of course my love. This is not some simple story of a naive girl that falls in love with a boy and lives happily ever after. I rarely heard of a book that ended joyously in my childhood._

 _Before you proceed into this journey, I would like you to remember this. Remember it well. So read on, young one. This is my story, my life, my joys and sorrows, and the path that led me here._

 _With great wishes and regards,_

 _Queen Clarissa Fairchild_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Thanks for your reviews! I was hoping to update this fanfiction story sooner but my brain was NOT working at all. For fans of The Odds are Never in Our Favor, I'm updating that currently. So no worries. I hope you guys review and give me your feedback, good or bad. Thanks again and Enjoy!

 **|XXXXXXX|**

"Perhaps she is different. Surely she must be!" The small boy chirped, his voice laced with hope. He sat beside his siblings, sharing the warmth of the fire in the center. The night was cold and quite chilly for the small family as they ate their fish gingerly.

"You are just trying to get your hopes up, little brother. She won't be any different, just like her dear father." His older brother spat bitterly, a scowl plastered on his face. His golden hair looked oddly atramentous in the moonlight. Max frowned, his face slightly falling at the statement.

A grunt was heard from a young lady, lounging on a large wodden log. "Do not say such things to Max. If he believes, then so be it. You do not need to interfere." She was radiant with dark ebony hair nearly covering her face. She had dark eyes that seemed to lose it's previous charm.

"It's okay Isabelle. I am sure he did not mean what he said. Do not worry Max." A new voice joined, a hint of gentleness heard for their youngest brother. Isabelle sighed and smiled at the situation.

"You should loosen up a bit. Don't you think Jace? We are together. That is all that matters." She added, giving her brother a playful shove with her shoulder.

Jace stood up and shrugged her off before barking in outrage. "What is wrong with us? Why act so cheerful when our fellow neighbors and family members die from hunger? I am tired of this. I am tired of living this way! We are not animals." His cheeks were flushed, eyes shut tightly in frustration. Max let out a small whimper in response and that seemed to bring back Jace to their reality. His golden orbs widened in realization.

Taking a glance at the small boy, the faired hair man stormed off into the forest that lied ahead of them. The blue eyed brother sighed as his back went rigid, brooding over the current situation. He ran his hand through his already messy black hair. "I will go talk to him. He is simply exhausted."

 **|XXXXXXX|**

The scrawny looking boy chuckled, his laughter ringing into the ears of the future queen. "Quit your laughing Simon. I find it quite annoying." A delicate voice advised.

Simon simply smiled and whipped his head to face her. She looked angelic; wearing a long, blue gown with several complicated swirls on the sleeves. It hugged her small frame perfectly from where she stood. The princess was short, her head would only reach his upper chest.

"Oh I am deeply sorry my lady. It seems I can not enjoy myself." He stated mockingly watching as she frowned, green eyes staring at him in disdain. Simon was a courtier nearly his whole life and would watch from the sidelines as Clarissa Fairchild flourished into what she was today. He had to admit; none of it was ever easy. Clarissa was the strongest being he had ever met.

He could not say the same about her father. Valentine Morgenstern, ruler and king of the North: The Shadowhunt. All other pieces of the kingdom such as the West, the East, and the South were ruled by other royalties yet they all answered to Valentine. Simon pushed up his glasses in irritation. Every time he thought about their cruel king, he would grimace at the train of events leading him there. Valentine was the reason Clary was like this. Simon would never forgive him.

"What are you thinking of?" Clarissa asked, tone calm and emotionless in a way that Simon loathed.

He immediately straightened up and shook his head respectfully at the princess. "It is of no matter, my lady. Surely, you would rather do other things than meddle through my head." She nodded curtly, as a few of her scarlet curls fell onto her eyes. Clarissa huffed in annoyance and pushed them back roughly behind her ear.

Simon sensed there was something hidden in her eyes. His eyes softened. If there was ever a change with the princess, he would be the only one to notice it. "What is bothering you, lady Clarissa?" She waved her hand into the air and replied after a long moment.

"Do not call me that. You know how much I despise it Simon. It's Clary. You know that, I suppose." He chuckled while her pale face remained passive.

"What is it Clary? Is it the royal visit?" Simon asked, taking a seat on the edge of her too large bed. She didn't glance at him but her eyes hardened at the thought. He studied her for a moment and listened as she finally spoke again.

"I do not like the idea of visiting the people." She answered, her gaze drifting off to the window on the other side of the room.

"There is nothing wrong with it m- Clary." Simon realized the princess looked particularly tired, dark bags under her normally brilliant emerald eyes. He regarded her with a small understanding smile that was not returned.

"I would rather train, perhaps sketch a bit." She frowned and Simon could've sworn he was staring at the little lost girl he had met at a young age. Her friend took on a look of sympathy but soon masked it, knowing the princess hated all forms of pity directed towards her.

"I'm puzzled Clary. You will soon rule the Shaowhunt. Is it not your dream? Many people would wish to be in your-" He was suddenly cut off mid sentence.

"Do not tell me what other people wish, for I do not care in the least. I didn't choose this life. If I could, I would certainly not be here right now." Then her voice toned down to a small yet audible mumble.

"You know what Simon?" He peered up at her standing figure in surprise. "I am cruel. I am heartless and I do not care to listen to others' problems. I am also selfish, caring for only myself. I am not fit to be a queen, Simon. For if I do potentially become one, the era of Valentine's reign will continue and the only difference is that I am atop the throne."

Simon's eyes widened as he registered her words. They hit home. He instantly rose and stepped closer to her. She was staring at the ground, her hands clenched at her sides. "Clary..." He started, voice gentle and tender in a way he only used with her. "Everything you said, it is not true. You mustn't believe that. They will never be true."

The princess finally looked up at him and he let out a small gasp. Her green eyes were broken, shattered by events, deaths, and bloodshed. Then Clarissa blinked and it was all gone as soon as it appeared. Simon hated it when she concealed her emotions. One day, he knew, the facade would break and disappear.

"They are true, whether you take my word for it or not. If they are not true now, they will be in the future." She replied, not able to gaze at him.

Simon sighed and he lifted his hands slowly, cupping her cheeks. "I was with your Clary. All this way. I am certain that my childhood best friend is not cruel." She eventually glanced up and met his almost dark chocolate eyes covered with thick black glasses.

"Simon. Do not comfort me for I am in no need. I am not longer the same girl you met when you were a child. Remember that." Clary stated, before pulling his hands gently from her face. She simply whirled around to open the door where a guard appeared and led her down the halls.

 **|XXXXXXX|**

Alexander trudged through the dark forest, passing thick trees and the strong odor of death. He grimaced and found a small pond where a hunched figure sat. Sighing, Alexander approached the figure, already knowing it was his brother. "Brother?" The young man didn't answer but he saw him stiffen at the voice.

"Jace, you must think before you speak. If it were not for us, Max would have been heart broken." The blue eyes boy began, taking a seat beside him.

"Alec, you know how we are living is not normal. We can barely manage scraps. Do not tell me you disagree."

His eyes were on a small stone on his fingers. Alec did not answer for a minute or two and just recalled their 'adventures' in the past. He remembered his father and mother; Robert and Maryse Lightwood. The way they took care of them. Then, he recalled the day his parents brought Jace in, a rather strong looking eleven year old boy.

"What can we do brother? It is simply how we live." He finally replied, his tone tired. Jace looked at him, his expression unreadable.

"We can rebel against the government Alec!" His voice urgent with slight hope. Alexander's eyes widened at his idea and his sky colored eyes hardened. He eyed him for a moment before growling out.

"What? Just like our dear father and mother did? The ones we did not even get to bury? You are truly insane." His brother's lips parted in surprise. Alexander stood up and took a step forward but was halted by Jace's hand.

"Alec, I meant no such thing. I simply think that we should do something rather than wait for death to catch up to us." The black haired boy exhaled and faced him, cocking a dark eyebrow.

"And what would that be Jace?" He questioned, eager to get back to his other siblings.

Jace raised his golden eyes thoughtfully and shook his head dismissively. "We shall wait." Alexander nodded, not quite understanding his brother's motives.

"Come on. We should head back to Isabelle and Max. I assume they are waiting. You know that Izzy is never patient. It is one of her amazing traits, do you not agree?" Jace chuckled soundlessly at the sarcastic comment but agreed and they walked together, the night dark and reserved.

 **|XXXXXX|**

The guard began to escort her down the many halls and into the large courtyard where there was a ceremony to welcome the other roles of the West, East, and South. Clarissa kept her her head high and she walked gracefully to where the guests resided. She instantly felt stares at her face but ignored them calmly, used to the unwanted attention.

Clarissa was then faced by her father who sat on his decorated throne of silver, a cold smile worn on his features. He was extremely tall with broad shoulders and quite built for his age. Valentine had pure white blond hair that Clary always pondered of. She averted her jade gaze and bowed down to him. "Father." Clarissa addressed and the king nodded acknowledging her presence.

He arose from his throne and took slow steps towards her. After a moment, the king stood beside her and raised her arm to the royals who stared at them. Some in fascination. Some in pity. "To my daughter, Clarissa Morgenstern, who will rule after me." Many claps and whistles were heard after his statement and Clary simply nodded, her face emotionless. The king chuckled humorlessly, his voice booming to all. "Let the ceremony begin!"

The musicians began to play their songs, filling the space with harmony. Valentine turned to his daughter and said, "The royal visit is tomorrow. It will be your first and make sure that you are prepared. The people there are quite spirited, I suppose." His voice was tinted with dark amusement and Clary nodded.

Then he was gone, talking to some advisors as he sipped from his glass of wine. Clary fingered the fabric of her layered dress. "It seems you do not look entertained." A voice to her left observed.

The princess turned and met dark eyes. "There is not much to do, is there?" She admitted, peering up to study him. He was probably around her age wearing proper black attire. His dark eyes matched his hair and a small smile graced his lips.

"We can dance. The music must be played for a reason." Clarissa glanced around at the many faces, searching for Simon's but found nothing. She frowned and faced the young man.

"Of course. If you wish to dance, then we shall dance."

He grinned, his white teeth shining with glee. The dark eyed boy placed his arm around her waist and led her onto the floor. Clarissa heard many gasps of surprise and fought the urge to roll her eyes in annoyance.

"With all due respect, who are you?" She asked boldly, arching both her eyebrows in curiousity. He smirked and twirled her around before replying.

"Sebastian Verlac, future king of the South: Idris." His tone held no confidence or arrogance, only slight playfulness.

Clarissa blinked several times in surprise. He chuckled loudly as if noticing her expression. "I have not heard much about you considering the fact that I have lived in court practically my entire life."

The prince sighed but began, "My mother is quite ill and there is not much to tell. Perhaps, we are not of much importance." Clary followed his steps and cast her gaze downwards in thought. Surely, he did not think such a thing.

"I am truly sorry to hear about your mother. Do not worry, my lord. I have not paid much attention to other royals. You must be important. I am just misinformed." Sebastian gave her a small smile, understanding her statement. He glanced around, noticing elderly men outright flirting with younger women.

"Sometimes, I believe these old men need to be taught a thing or two. Yet, all they think is 'age is no matter'." Sebastian blurted out out in disgust. Clarissa suddenly laughed but brought her hand to cover her lips. His eyes widened at the beautiful sound that was covered too soon.

The princess frowned. It was not _that_ amusing. She instantly composed herself and heard the prince say, "I wish to hear you laugh once more, lady Clarissa. It sounds divine." Clarissa shook her head and as if god was answering her prayers, the song ended and she pulled away from Sebastian in relief.

 **|XXXXXX|**

"Alec!" Isabelle called, whipping her head in search of him. After a moment, her two brothers appeared and she smiled in delight. Max frowned and pushed his already broken glasses up at the sight of Jace.

The fair haired boy glanced at Max and noticed his uneasiness. Sighing, he trudged over to the nine year old boy and bent down to meet his uncertain eyes. "Max, I apologize for what I have said earlier." The boy looked down before peering up at him.

"You don't need to be sorry, Jace." Max assured him, giving him a wide grin. Jace smirked and ruffled the small boy's hair. He was stopped suddenly by Isabelle's cry. Standing up, he scanned their surroundings and spotted and old man walking towards his sister.

Jace sprinted over, dagger in hand. "What is an old man like you doing here?" He asked, twirling the blade between his fingers swiftly. Alexander appeared beside him and gave him a small smile. Jace studied the elderly man. He had a rather long white-gray beard and not much hair on the top of his head. His eyes were stormy grey and were slightly uneven and crooked in a way. The man was probably in his sixties and wore begrimed clothing.

Alexander's eyes widened as he saw the man grin at them. His teeth were brown and rotting. "Who are you?" He questioned cautiously. He was aware that Isabelle was huddled with Max, whip in hand for protection.

"Hodge. Hodge. Hodge. I am Hodge." The old man sang, his voice was hoarse and raspy. Alec placed his bow down and noticed Jace giving him a warning stare.

"What are you doing here, if I may ask?"

Hodge frowned and scatched his head in thought. "Ah!" He nearly shouted after a moment. "The king. The king. Kicked me out. Tortured me. King. The king." Jace's eyebrows lifted in confusion.

"The king tortured you?" Hodge clapped his hands together in confirmation. The fair haired boy grimaced at the thought.

"What was your position at the castle?"

"Priest. Taught Clarissa. Small girl. Priest." He continued, fiddling with his fingers. Abruptly, the old man plopped himself down on the dirt and chuckled to himself insanely.

"Do not listen to him Jace. He is lying!" Isabelle shouted, her voice shrill and worried at the sudden sight. Max remained where he was, an unreadable expression shown in his eyes.

Alexander snapped his attention away from Hodge and grunted. "I believe he speaks the truth. Place your weapons down." Jace's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it.

The blue eyed boy turned to his siblings and announced, "He is no danger to us. He holds no weapons." Isabelle slowly grabbed Max's hand and walked towards the group. Jace sighed and sat down a few feet away from the cackling old man.

"It seems that we have a new member in our gang." Jace announced sarcastically. Alec ignored the comment and pursed his lips in thought.

"Hodge. You worked at the castle, I believe? What caused you to be punished?" Hodge grinned crookedly at the young children.

"Being good. Hodge is good. King is bad. Tortured me. I ran."

"So the king punished you and you ran away?" Hodge did not answer and continued to hum an odd tune that intrigued Jace slightly.

"What are you humming old man?" Alec shot him a glare but didn't speak after him.

Hodge peered up at Jace, a look of regret and pain in his eyes. Jace gasped, taking a breath and the man answered, "Clarissa's song. My dear Clarissa. So strong. So sad."

Max's eyes lit up at the mention of the girl. "The future queen! You are speaking of the princess, Clarissa Morgenstern." Hodge jumped up and pointed a long, wrinkled index finger at him.

"Right! Correct!" Isabelle watched with fascination as her little brother spoke to Hodge, voice excited and pleased.

"What is she like Hodge?" The small boy asked eagerly, dark eyes curious for knowledge.

Jace studied Hodge and felt a wave of sympathy pass through him. "Smart, strong too. Can change the world."

The small boy's face brightened at the answer and turned to face his brother before replying, "I told you Jace!" The older brother simply rolled his eyes but it was good natured. He glanced at Alec.

"What shall we do with him?"

"Perhaps he can stay with us for a while." Isabelle nodded her head in agreement and Max seemed pleased at the idea. Jace stretched his now numb arms and announced to his siblings. "I shall take first watch. All of you sleep."

Alec was too exhausted to argue and pulled out his blanket before placing his head on the ground. He watched as Isabelle and Max did the same. Jace positioned his head against the trunk of the tree, dagger resting in his hands. He heard slight rustling and saw Hodge patting his pockets.

"Sleep old man. You will need it for tomorrow." Hodge glanced at him and seemed to acknowledge his presence.

"The lord will save us in the end. The lord shall help us all." He whispered, pulling out a ripped piece of paper from his grimy clothing. Jace cocked an eyebrow at the gesture.

Hodge launched it at Jace and he caught it easily before turning it over to study it. It was not just a paper. It was a photograph. His golden orbs widened. It was a small girl with bright red curls and luminous jade colored eyes. She wore a small light green gown and Jace guessed she was probably eight in the photo.

"The princess. Our savior." Jace couldn't help but feel somewhat surprised but his eyes darkened at the mention of their cruel government.

"She will never be our savior. You have got it all wrong. The princess is just like the others." He commented, voice laced with venom. The frail man just shook his head altogether and lied down in an attempt to sleep.

Jace sighed and tilted his head so his eyes could stare at the night sky. One day, our world will be back, and not at the hands of their government, he thought. But he didn't throw the small photograph, he simply placed it into the pocket of his already ripped shirt.

 **Authors Note:** Sorry for the late update. I hope you guys can review and give me your feedback. Thanks for your patience! Enjoy!

 **Have fun, live life, read on, find love, and stand up for what you believe in!**

 **~ThatOneGoodWriter**


	3. Chapter 3

" _The story is not a pretty one. There is violence in it. And cruelty. But stories that are not pretty have a certain value, too, I suppose. Everything, as you well know (having lived in this world long enough to have figured out a thing or two for yourself), cannont always be sweetness and light."_ (Kate DiCamillo)

 **the Life of Queen Clarissa Adele Fairchild**

 _As of now, I shall write you short letters to better improve your memory of me. It seems like life is passing me by and I almost feel as if I am an elderly woman in a youthful body. There was no joy in my days, no bliss._

 _Some of the time I yearned to leave the Earth and join my beloved creator: God, for the lord wrote and pointed to a path I could not possibly follow. Beaten up and abused. Then I remembered King Verlac who always held a smile on his face even when his ill mother was on the verge of death. His spirit was that of an angel, something that appeared beside me when I least expected it._

 **[XXX]**

Clarissa pursed her lips and brought her small hands to the mane of the black horse. It made a noise of contentment and a cold wind penetrated her thin body. The weather did not bother her. She admired the cold. The winter. The chills. The snow. With each breath she took, puffs of white released into the air. The princess felt someone beside her and glanced to see a knight bowing, his hair being swept by the breeze. "Rise Jordon."

The man nodded his head, his cheeks a rosy red. He was her personal guard, always in front of her. Jordon had lost his mother and father at the age of seven. The court took him in and he vowed to protect Clarissa with his life yet he was only one year older than her. "My queen, shall we choose a different time? You will as well become sick. The carriage will not cover everything. I can ask permission from Lord Valentine." His hazel eyes searched hers and Clarissa shook her head resolutely.

"I am no queen. As for the weather, it is no matter. Speak to the guards and inform them of our departure." It was time for the royal visit and she would have to see the people. To view the villages and honor their presence but those were not her intentions. Her father would not join her either. He would meet with the royals of the West. Clarissa heard Jordon call her into the carriage. She gave one last look to the pairs of different colored horses and pulled her thin dress to walk forward. The gown reached her knees, painted a brilliant shade of dark blue matching the sky above.

Clarissa held Jordon's hands in support and reached the inside of the transportation. After a moment, he climbed in behind her. His silver armor created noise every time he took a step. Sighing, the knight collapsed onto the seat and shook the bell, signalling the leave. His shoulders were tense but she didn't pay attention to it. Leaning her head along the curtains, Clarissa watched the carriage gradually take off onto the bumpy roads. The rich and wealthy bowed at the sight.

"Are you not worried my lady?" His question was nervous, not for himself but for her. She arched her eyebrows.

"Am I not strong enough to take care of myself?" The way she said those words were like a challenge directed towards the older man. Jordon's eyes widened and his head lowered in apology but Clarissa paid no mind. Her thoughts were elsewhere. Suddenly the wagon came to an early stop. Her companion looked alarmed and pocketed his sword.

"Have we arrived sooner than expected?" She mumbled, pushing her strands away. Jordon didn't respond and at that split second the curtains were swept open. The princess inched closer to her guard and his arm was immediately wrapped around hers. What she saw almost surprised her. It was King Sebastian. He seemed out of breath, his crown in hand. That was unacceptable. No royal could look this disorganized. Clarissa frowned.

"What has brought you here?" The dark haired man smiled wearily and hopped to her side gracefully, greeting Jordon with a nod of his head. The princess stared in bewilderment as he sighed and tried to adjust his attire.

Her emerald eyes hardened. "Answer me. That is an order." Sebastian gazed up but his expression was unreadable.

"I have asked your father to join you. He eventually agreed my princess." Anger boiled in her chest but she kept it all in, masking her face. She disregarded him and stepped away from him to the seat next to Jordon. Silence was heard for nearly half an hour and she was glad. She admired a quiet environment.

Narrowing her eyes, she focused on the knight who looked as exhausted as she expected from him. His eyelids would shut then open but his fingers were curled tightly around his weapon. "Rest. I do not want a soldier who will slumber at the face of war." A grin appeared on his lips but he nodded.

"Thank you m'lady." His breathing began to slow and stirred her cheeks.

"You are kind but you conceal it." She heard the future king comment, his crown back atop his head. Clarissa felt him move across from her but didn't look at him. Then his fingers were on hers and she sent him a startled expression.

"I apologize Clarissa. No disrespect towards you was intentional." She snatched her arms away in disgust and astoundment. The man chuckled heartily and his eyes shimmered with amusement.

"What is so humorous?" He shook his head.

"Nothing out of the sorts." They remained silent after that, the only sound coming from the young knight's slumbering. Clarissa felt Jordon's head slump downward onto her shoulder. She winced at the touch but didn't move.

"How much longer?" She asked the rider. He waved an arm in the air indicating a few minutes. The village would be up ahead soon. When they entered the vast territory, Clarissa noticed Sebastian taking a glance outside, his eyes sorrowful. _Stricken._ She wondered what he was seeing and pulled away from Jordon gently. The birds ceased their singing and all the three heard was cries, yells, shouts of pain and desperation. The knight straightened his posture and gestured for the two royals to step away from the carriage. After they did so, he joined them on the platform, an instant large lumber of guards surrounding them. Jordon stayed by her side.

Then they saw the people. Poor, hungry, homeless. Their shoes were worn, some did not even have any. Their faces were dirty, begrimed but still hopeful in a sense. They were skinny, too skinny. Some wept. Some yelled profanities as she walked by, her head held high. Clarissa heard someone familiar release a choked sob, the sound causing her to whirl. It was Sebastian.

His knees were bent down in front of a small girl whose face held small scars. Only then did the princess notice she only had one arm. Clarissa watched in surprise as he hugged her tightly. "It will be alright." Sebastian assured her, his obsidian colored eyes misty. Then he rose steadily avoiding her gaze.

She scowled and demanded for the knights to throw coins at them quickly. "This place is sickening." The villagers lauched atop one another like animals clawing at the flying money in the air. The princess turned away and reached the end of the path but there was still thousands of people begging. They pleaded for food, for change, but she didn't care to listen.

Abruptly she heard a young voice shout, "She's our princess. She is the queen! I told you brother, she's beautiful!" It was a boy, perhaps nine years of age, with broken glasses and tattered clothing. His tone was wistful unlike the other screams. He was grinning, leaping in the air to get a view of her. Clarissa pushed her braid back and stepped lower, the border patrols warning her. She placed a slender hand on the boy's hair. His eyes shined with shock but there was a glint of determination in them.

"What is your name?" She asked.

"Max." Clarissa nodded and leaned into his ear.

"Stay spirited Max." She muttered sternly. His eyes widened and his lips curved into a small smile. The princess lifted her skirts and trudged to Jordon who was staring after her. The other guards were trying to tame someone who was shouting in pure hatred at her. The petite woman raised her eyebrows and felt the knight beside her hold his sword in preparation.

The cavaliers tamed the villager. It was a young man, his jaw tightly clenched . His golden orbs were bright with malice. His light colored hair was in messy tendrils. He sneered. _"You are no queen of mine. You are no queen at all. One day, you and your precious father will die and you shall have realized that you are murdering us one by one."_ Sebastian's hand was now wrapped around her fingers. This time she didn't pull away.

Then Clarissa grinned savagely and snorted in a way Simon would have called unladylike. "And you dying is simply entertainment to me, boy. If you die, I benefit. If they die, I still benefit. If I perish, I will benefit. Take him Jordon, to the prisons of the North." The civilian's eyes widened and there were shouts of disbelief and disagreement. Flashes of anger came and the crowds began to surge forward in attempt to reach and fight them. Instead, Jordon rushed Sebastian and her to the carriage where knights were already positioned. Rocks were thrown like rain. They had lost all control.

The three rushed into the carriage and it took off, the rider shouting for the horses to sprint faster. Clarissa let out a breath and shut her eyes, leaning her head against the seat. Jordon gave some orders while Sebastian was surprisingly silent. She didn't ask though; it was not worth it.

He faced her suddenly. "Why do you do this?" The question caught her off guard and she nearly stumbled on her words.

"Do what exactly if I may ask?"

"You hide everything and you're becoming something you are not." The ebony haired man admitted, his hands curled into fists.

"You want to know the truth my lord?" He didn't answer but she continued.

"You all created me like this. I am a doll controlled by the people who are merely destroying me." His eyes widened and he realized she was smiling sadly, her fingers tracing patterns on the fabric of her dress.

 **[a/n]:** Thank you guys for the wonderful comments. Please read my other Clace stories. Just check my profile, you'll spot them there. We often don't hear this enough: but I love you and you're worth it. Keep smiling because bad times won't last, they never will. Just keep hanging on. You deserve the best. You really do. :)


	4. Chapter 4

She trudged passed the long hall leading to the main court, her small hands clasped together tightly. Her hair hung in loose waves, like a curtain shadowing her pale face. She didn't push the strands away. She didn't want anyone to see. Prince Sebastian followed, his voice not heard. He was unusually quiet but kept her company. She never asked but he seemed to do it without question. He was fidgeting with something in his pocket, his dark hair falling into his eyes.

"The guards..." He started, "they must do something to that man. He is giving them a rather hard time, m'lady." Even though he was of high royalty, he insisted on calling her that believing that she was superior to him. She never argued. Her eyes darted to meet his and she saw the strain in them. The slight exhaustion. Perhaps even a tint of grief.

"I shall go then." She announced softly and continued to walk at a quicker pace. He jogged to catch up with her steps and frowned as if worried.

"It will be dangerous. Allow the knights to take-" She cut him off with a cold glare.

"I am not weak. Do not order me to do anything. If you do not agree with my actions, please leave my side. I do not need an inconvenience." She heard him laugh lightly and he shook his head repeatedly.

"I shall stay near you. Do not worry." And she did not. They entered the dungeons with Jordon by their side, his hand gripping his sword in preparation. Young knights guided them through hundreds of cells, each with a different criminal inside shouting taunts and insults towards her. She released a breath and Jordon gave her a tight smile. In one cell, lay an old woman her hair gray and thinning. She pointed a long wrinkled finger at her and mouthed 'traitor'. Sebastian gripped her hand and seemed to hurry away from the screaming bunches. "You whore!" They yelled and the knights gave them a warning of extra punishment. They still did not quiet.

They finally reached a closed cell with no windows. She assumed it was the one. Jordon pulled out a key, a golden one etched with the number, 187B. He unlocked the concrete door and ushered her and Sebastian inside, the knights waiting outdoors for them, their expressions calm.

His feet and hands were bound. A mouth guard had slipped down onto his neck. His orbs were bright with malice despite the grime that covered his face. "My queen." He greeted, grinning as if he knew her all his life. "You have come to save me, I assume. Correct?" His voice dripped with sarcasm but it did not affect her. Sebastian stepped forward in alarm but she placed a hand on his chest and he halted his actions.

"I hear you are making quiet the racket." She uttered, tracing her finger along the cell wall. He laughed maliciously, baring white teeth.

"Did I disturb you? Did I disturb your father? Have I? I guess I was having too much fun." His hair was touseled to the side, sweaty and sticking to his forehead. His shirt was torn, revealing scars and dried blood that was most likely from punishment.

"No, you did not disturb me. It takes a lot to do that, if I may say. Are you hungry?" She fixed her emeralds onto his tawny eyes. His narrowed.

"To hell with you." He sneered, pulling his feet back to him in disgust.

Jordon gritted his teeth. "You fool! I ought to slice your tongue, ungrateful bastard."

The young man rolled his eyes as if nothing fazed him. "Do whatever you want. You can do nothing that will wound me."

Clarissa's eyes glistened and she smiled in satisfaction. "What about Max? Isabelle? Alexander? Do you not care for them?"

Something flashed in his expression and he growled. "Do not utter their names! You are filthy and deserve to die in the worst of trenches. Hurt them and I will stop at nothing to slash your heart out of your chest."

She did not blink and instead turned to Jordon. "Torture him. Make him scream." She left after that, her green dress resembling hues of a forest. Sebastian gave one last glance at the peasant and followed her, listening as Jordon gave orders to the knights and the sounds of whips lashing out on skin.

 **[][][][][]**

Valentine handed her a glass of red wine, his breath heavy with alcohol. She took it without reluctance as he spoke. "It seems there is rebellion in several villages. We must quiet them. They are ruining the peace. I will go tomorrow at noon. You must be my eyes and ears, Clarissa. You are the future of this land. Do not fail me." He rose to his feet and strode off into his room, stumbling slightly on the way.

She stayed sitting on the soft cushion of her bed, eyes staring numbly at her fingers. A knock was heard from her door. She did not look up but said, "Leave Maia, I am in no need of any assistance." The knocking persisted and Clarissa allowed the person in, her eyebrows hunched. It was Sebastian. He did not state anything in greeting and simply sat beside her.

"I wanted to speak to you." He said, raising his face to meet hers.

"What about? Why now?" She questioned, lips pursed.

"The visit your father is going on-you know what he will do, correct?"

Clarissa nodded her head, twirling a curl of her auburn hair.

Sebastian didn't seem surprised and tugged off his crown as if it was a burden. "You accept it? Killing those inno-"

"I have known of this long before he started. I am accustomed to it. You do not realize it but there is no way of stopping him, my lord." She whispered, lying her body on the bed. She gazed at the ceiling, her hair plastered on the sheets like wild fire.

"I do not know why you do this to yourself." He was looking at her with some sadness. Almost pity.

"Do what?"

"You are not this cruel emotionless person. You simply act that way. You conceal your emotions. For what? What are you hiding? I intend to find out." He was rambling now, his deep voice soft to her ears. His obsidion hair was curled along his forehead, black attire causing him to look much older than he was.

"I have reasons I cannot say. You will never find them out." She hung her head to the side, green eyes hesitant. Vulnerable.

His breath hitched in his throat. "What can I do?"

She appeared to think about it. "Come." She sat forward, gown now wrinkled. Maia would be angry. She had worked on the garmet for a long time.

The prince inched closer to her and Clarissa brought her hands to touch his cheeks. His eyelids hovered shut. "You are so naive, my lord. Why me of all people? Why me?"

"Because you are the only one."

She lifted her head and placed a light kiss on his forehead then ran her fingers through his hair. "That is the worst decision you will ever make, my lord."

"If it is the worst, so be it. My fondness for you will never perish." His eyes were catastrophic with shades of black that Clarissa could not help but focus on.

She let go of him abruptly. "You must go. Father will suspect something."

He seemed to be in a daze and nodded his head towards her. After standing, he placed his hand on hers. She was startled at the warmth. "I will not stop. I will not."

"I do not intend to do so either." And the last thing he saw was her smiling faintly, vivid hair shadowing her face.


	5. Chapter 5

Her father had gone away but not before demanding that she was to keep a scrict law in the castle. She shook her head at his antics. He wanted to scare her. She would not be easily defied. Maia appeared beside her, a new gown that was tightly fitted in her arms. She smiled softly in greeting and bowed down. "I have made you something. It is your birthday, I believe, is it not?"

The question surprised Clarissa for the event had not even crossed her mind. Her servant laughed gingerly, her braids shaking. "You must look your best, your highness. You must." Clarissa breathed a sigh and rose to her feet as Maia began to make more measurements. Had she actually forgotten her own birthday? It seemed like years since she last celebrated it. Many years. Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, the princess waited patiently watching Maia tuck strings into small patches.

When she was finally able to return to her throne, Sebastian awaited beside her. "You look stunning, my princess." His dark hair was messy and he did not bother placing his crown atop his head. He reminded her of a young child. If Valentine had saw him he would immediately shout for him to become more professional. Clarissa managed a small smile when his dark eyes met hers.

"You do not have to compliment me by force, my lord." She clutched onto the arm of the golden throne and stepped down. Sebastian steadied her with a short knowing laugh.

"Do not worry. I mean every word I utter." They stood in silence for a second, Clarissa watching distantly from a window a few feet away from him. He stared after her. She was beautiful. Nothing more and nothing less. Her auburn hair was released onto her shoulders sometimes clouding her vision. She wore a tight dress that reached just above her knees. Her cheeks were a rosy pink, eyes a glowing river. He did not know what came over him but he sauntered over to her like a magnet. He felt as if this was a significant moment, for what, he did not know.

She did not notice him, her orbs glistening. He brought his trembling fingers to her curls and she jerked to face him in shock. When she realized it was him she instantly relaxed and rolled her eyes at his actions. "I am leaving with your father once he returns. He has said it is an important journey to a small island on the East. I will be back in a few weeks, perhaps." Her lips parted for only a split second.

Instead she asked, "Who will assist me with my duties?" Sebastian chuckled, his hand moving to touch her face.

"I will be back. I promise you." His face was filled with so much intensity she had to look away.

"You must be careful. Our reputation is not the best." She was tracing circles on the front of her dress, gaze on the ground.

Sebastian lifted her chin with enough confidence and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. He could almost hear her heart beats. Her breathing. And before he knew it, she had embraced him with as much strength as a short girl could possess. Burying his head into her bare shoulder, he listened as she said, "Return. Please do. And take this, for sake keeping, my lord." He pulled away and watched as she tugged a necklace from her neck. It was a green locket. He took it silently and forced it open with his fingers. Inside was a picture of Clarissa and a nearly identical woman but older in age.

"Is this-"

She finished the sentence for him. "My mother. Keep it. You can at least take a look at it whenever you are lost." He ran his hand through his hair, not being able to stop the thrumming in his chest.

"Thank you." Even with his own ears he could hear how nervous he sounded.

She was not looking at him. Instead back at the window, head tilted to the left. "You must pack. Night has arrived, my lord. Be prepared."

He yearned to kiss her. To hold her. To stay with her. But he could not. Her father was awaiting. She appeared to be too lost in thought to notice him. He shut his eyes for a long moment before descending up a long stairwell leading to his room.

 **[XXXX]**

Clarissa peered through the low balcony as Sebastian stepped into the carriage. This time he wore his crown. He was dressed in black attire and it caused him to look like a shadow. He spoke to the driver for several moments and then they were off, the horses trudging with hard smacks of their hooves.

"Jordon." She called from the balcony knowing he was not far. Seconds passed and he was kneeling in front of her. "I need you to take me to that boy once again. The one in solidarity."

The brown haired knight knit his eyebrows. "Why my lady?"

The princess simply walked ahead of him. "Do not go against my orders. Come on." The young man smirked at her stubborn behavior and ran to her aid, taking her down to the dungeons. There they were met with the sounds of crying, screaming, and wailing. He hurried her to the cell and pulled out the key. The door slid open with a deafening screech and Clarissa turned to face Jordon.

"Stay outside. I wish to speak to him alone." He protested, hand on his sword. She gave him a warning glance and he closed his mouth though his expression remained worried.

Shutting the concrete door, Clarissa padded inside the cold room. It smelled of blood and metal. There were no windows. No light. All but walls that could cause a person to forget their own name. She found him sleeping, his eyelids fluttering every so often. His shirt was torn and thrown on the other side of the room, drenched with dry blood. His arms and ankles were still cuffed to the wall nothing but concrete to rest on. His back was the most horrific part of his body. There were too many scars. Some done recently. She swallowed a short gasp and remained still wishing for him not to wake. His face was soft as he slept not at all like how he had acted a few days before. His chest rose with steady breaths but his hands were in tight fists as if he was left unconscious from the beatings he received.

Despite the gown she wore, Clarissa knelt to the cold floor, her legs beginning to shiver. Her hair fell onto his face as she studied his features. He was strange. He was angelic. Struggling to stay put, the youthful princess reluctantly placed her fingers on his fair hair. He stirred slightly but did not wake. She continued to play with his long strands of hair. Sticky with sweat and blood. She did not know why she was beside him. It just happened. He appeared in her mind and she could not help but see him. He was not like any other prisoner. Valentine wanted to keep him. She pondered why. Was he strong? Powerful? Mysterious? Her brain searched for answers.

Just as she was ready to rise, she heard him murmur something. He repeated it again and this time she leaned in on time. "Why-Why are you doing this?"

Her emeralds widened by a small fraction. His eyelids remained shut but his lips spoke. "If you are here to beat me, just kill me already. Kill me."

Clarissa felt frantic. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest. She wanted to regain her composure but it was getting difficult. "You will be fine. You will be fine. Slumber." She ushered.

He groaned and she knew it was from pain. How could she allow this to occur? Blinking her eyes, she bit her bottom lip and he relaxed, shoulders no longer tense. "You are showing..." He whispered.

"Showing what?" Clarissa questioned, her voice surprisingly strong.

"Who you are." And then he stopped speaking, his chest falling and rising once again. He was asleep.

Clarissa gently laid his head on the cement flooring and dusted off her skirts with gritted teeth. She met Jordon at the door and he gave her a look of pure confusion. She ordered him to stop the knights from beating the man. He nodded his head as if he was in a daze. She trudged ahead and after a few minutes met Maia at her room. "My lady, do you-"

"I do not need any assistance. You may be off for the day." The servant's hazel eyes widened and she quickly bowed before darting out the door. Clarissa ignored her odd behavior and landed on her bed with a loud thud. She stared at the ceiling, her face conjured into an expression of innocence.

Had she truly shown her emotions? Had she?

 **A/N: More Clace coming soon! Leave a review! Thanks lots!**


End file.
